Chapter 01. I was born with a dirt spoon, next life born with nothing but dirt.

translated by iseuli

edited by Meira

Who was the one that claimed collecting good karma would allow one to reincarnate into kings and princesses?

What a scam.

I want to call the king of the Netherworld or god of death and interrogate them. Hey, why are you discriminating? Are you implying that people born into dirt spoon families shouldn’t even dream of living the golden spoon life?

The country of my last life had a huge gap between the families of the wealthy and the poor. People were separated into unspoken classes in this capitalist country dominated by the Gods. From a certain point onwards, the classes were referred to as such: golden spoon, silver spoon, bronze spoon, wooden spoon, and dirt spoon.

There wasn’t a definitive calculated number to separate the classes, but the lowest of the low were the second generation dirt spoons.

These were the people who couldn’t afford to waste even a penny for bus fare and walked to work instead. They lived day to day in fear, worrying over how they would manage to pay their monthly rent.

I was a member of the dirt spoon peasant class. I was the model dirt spoon citizen.

My entire family passed away from a car accident when I was 10. I was too young, so all my inheritance was protected by my relatives. Somewhere along the way, my inheritance disappeared off into the ether, most likely stolen by one of my relatives. So, I wandered from one relative to another my whole childhood.

At 18, I was kicked out of my relatives’ house. I lived on my own as I worked part time and attended college. However, I dropped out without a degree because I couldn’t afford to pay my tuition. As a result, I didn’t have any sort of higher education. Surviving this world all alone as a female was too harsh.

I was tired of living my life worrying over rent, so I overworked myself to death while I tried to save up for a house on deposit(*).

The protagonists of the fantasy novels I’ve read always met such dramatic endings…

Some were stabbed in the back by their best friends, or suffered car accidents. Maybe they would discover an artifact by pure luck, and an accident of some sort would lead them to their reincarnation.

I, on the other hand, died of overwork, quite undramatically.

I wasn’t the kindest human in the world.

I was the type of person who would sneakily pick up 50 dollars from the floor as long as nobody was looking. I only donated a bag of chips worth of money toward charity in my entire life.

At the same time, I wasn’t the worst criminal. I never stolen from others, even when I didn’t have enough money to get by in life. I never inflicted any sort of harm over my jealousy and envy toward those who lived an easier life.

I was a common, everyday person you could find anywhere in Korea.

Simply the model Korean citizen that wasn’t especially good or evil.

I wandered from one temporary job to another. I worked hard by sacrificing my sleeping hours and managed to find a permanent job. In the end, I worked too hard and died of exhaustion. I never knew my life would end so pointlessly at 25.

I know a person like me can’t become the center of the universe.

In novels, protagonists would reincarnate as royal princesses and nobles. But, not all people can expect to get the same treatment. There would be those born as a daughter to a normal family, or a woodsman.

But still.

Couldn’t I have been born as extra number one or two at least?

I looked at my reflection against a golden nugget with a gloomy heart.

My smooth outer appearance was the furthest thing possible from a human being. I was the furthest thing from the entire animal kingdom.

What reflected against the huge golden nugget was a strange jelly-like organism. The organism peered back with round eyes. The two eyes which stared back were too alien and disturbing to look at.

It looked like one of those super balls that’s been melted slightly and decorated with a pair of eyes and a mouth.

This strange organism was me.

Was it you Buddha, that took pity on my last life and decided to reincarnate me? Maybe the Goddess of Mercy? Haven’t I already suffered enough in my last life?

If I couldn’t reincarnate as a human, why couldn’t they have made me a cat or dog? What was this supposed to mean? I was born with a dirt spoon my last life, and I’ve been reincarnated with a dirt spoon once again. No, I’ve been born with nothing but plain dirt. Must I live as dirt?

I let out a deep sigh.

I’ve seen this sort of organism many times in the fantasy games I loved so much in my past life. This was the cute monster that would appear in the beginning stages of games and died against the weakest attacks. They were given various names, but typically referred to as slimes.

Each game had their own variant of slime, but usually they were the type to be easily killed. Even reincarnated, nothing has changed for me.

I was still the lowest of the low.

Do I have to live all my existence being stepped and trampled on?

“Bouncy? Bouncy, where are you?”

I used all my strength to bounce myself toward Elkiesel’s voice

Monsters are usually the hands and feet of the Demon King. The sanity of monsters who receive the Demon King’s powers would become twisted and mindlessly attack humans and animals on instinct. Amongst the monsters there are those born in the territory between the realm of demons and gods—dragons. These solitary monsters would grow without the influence of demons.

That’s the kind of world I was now living in.

I was so shocked by this world when the memories of my past life flooded into my mind.

The first thing I saw was a ceiling that seemed to reach the sky. Countless black crystals hung down from the ceiling like chandeliers. I stared at the dimly glimmering crystals which lit up the area, entranced.

Suddenly I realized I was resting on something shiny. I looked down to find rubies, sapphires, and jewels made of gold strewn about messily across the floor.

In my past life I could only look at these sorts of jewels on the internet. I doubted that they were real and looked across the place without much interest. As time passed, I couldn’t help but notice a sound resounding at regular intervals from somewhere. When I trailed my eyes towards the source of the sound I found an insanely enormous dragon.

I fainted when I first met my owner, Karlgilm.

Oh my gosh! Dragons actually existed!

I’ve seen a sample of obsidian during a lab at school. Historically, obsidian was often broken into sharp pieces and formed into weapons.

Karlgilm’s scales looked like an endless mountain of obsidian linked together. From certain angles they sparkled like diamonds.

The dragons of this world were very similar to the dragons described in the fantasy novels of our world. First, dragons were unreasonably strong. Dragons are referred to as the protector of the world because they kept the Demon King’s and Gods’ powers in check.

My owner, Kalgilm has never awoken from slumber during my life here so I’m not exactly sure how strong he is. However according to Elkiesel, the lair manager, Kalgilm can kill a million troops with just a single snort of his nose.

Elkiesel is an elf who can transform a molehill into the Himalayas(**). It’s hard to believe all his words, but it seems true that dragons were indeed strong beings.

In all the fantasy novels I read, dragons were prone to sleeping most of their lives. They would remain in hibernation for hundreds or thousands of years. Kalgilm had been sleeping ever since I existed.

This black dragon remained in his sleeping state while rolled up in a round ball with his two giant wings covering his body.

Kalgilm’s lair was full of nothing but jewels because they were the food of dragons.

From time to time, those with enough guts would invade the lair to steal the loot. However, there was a reason that the dragons set lair managers, to protect the jewels against the thieves.

According to Elkiesel, he’s Kalgilm’s lair manager and a ruthlessly strong dark elf.

“Bouncy, everyone outside the lair fears me.”

Elkiesel would brag about himself from time to time. In my opinion, Elkiesel’s naming sense should definitely be feared. I don’t have arms and legs so I have to bounce around to move, but how could he name me Bouncy?

I hurried off to Elkiesel’s side who was waiting in front of Kalgilm.

“Here, El. El.”

Monsters usually couldn’t speak.

Especially not slimes who don’t have brain cells. It was a miracle that I could speak at all. I could only reply in short words but I’m the only person in this place that could verbally reply at all so Elkiesel frequently conversed with me.

“Where did you go to play? I’ve said you must return to Kalgilm’s side by dawn.”

Elkiesel crossed his arms and glared while nagging at me.

“Me. Not. Dumb. Knows.”

“Kalgilm is asleep, but we must properly do our task. Okay, Bouncy?”

Can you please stop it with the freaking name, Bouncy?

In my heart, I really wanted to hit the back of Elkiesel’s head, but I’m just a slime the size of a football. No matter how hard I try and bounce, I can only reach Elkiesel’s hip. If Elkiesel were to kick me, I’d fly far far away while bouncing like a ball.

Anyway, I must begin my work. I’m only allowed to dwell in this lair because of this job, afterall.

“Today I’ve brought you apple mint.”

Elkiesel gave me the herbs he prepared for me ahead of time. I nibbled on an apple mint that was the size of my own body.

Slimes don’t have taste buds, but we do have a sense of smell and touch. I love the crunchy texture and refreshing smell.

Slimes have a tendency to momentarily manifest some properties of what they consume. My body turned into an apple mint color and smelled of apple mint.

I went over to Kalgilm’s tail. The tail’s outer scales spiked upwards. If a monster like an orc were to be hit by this tail, it would be instantly turned into ground meat.

I liked the end of his tail. The only portion I could reach and bounce up onto was his tail. I bounced up and intentionally spread out my body as wide as I could. My body that was normally the size of a football looked like a puddle dozens of meters long. I tightly surrounded his tail and waited a short while.

The apple mint smell from my body enclosed Kalgilm’s tail and my body absorbed all the dust that had collected on top of his body. I gathered all the foreign materials and melted them until they disappeared completely.

I slowly moved all around Kalgilm’s body to clean every nook and cranny.

Yes.

I’m a dragon’s professional scrubber.

A living bubble bath.