This is one of my favorite chapters. This, chapter 67 and the epilogue with JYN. Why ? Because it has lots of angst. Because, like I mentioned earlier, this novel has very few scenes from JYNs point of view so I treasure the small little glimpses that we get of his emotions. This chapter has one of those glimpses…

Especially the bed scene.. it’s my absolute favorite..( no it’s certainly not the kind you think :))

Leave me comments of what you think please !

Chapter 47

This was a strange number. Yan Liang picked up the phone ,”Hello”

The other party called her with the usual title, “ Miss Yan?”

Yan Liang was stunned, “ Secretary Liu?”

*** ***

Yan Liang suddenly awakened from her dream.

On the ceiling , she could see a narrow beam of moonlight that had filtered through a gap in the curtains.

Though the snow was thawing, the outdoors was still very cold. Indoors, it was supposed to be warmer, but Yan Liang could not help shivering when she recalled the dream she had.

She sat up from the bed and pressed her temples. Although there was no movement by her side, she heard a worried voice , “ Are you having trouble sleeping ?”

Yan Liang’s body stiffened, she looked back to see that Jiang Yu Nan had also woken up and was leaning against the bed as he looked at her.

He was a light sleeper, he would usually wake up at the slightest movement from her.

Yan Liang shook her head as an answer. Trying to get back to sleep, she lay down on the bed again when Jiang Yu Nan put his arms around her.

As he hugged her, she could not raise her head. With her face against his chest, she heard him say ,” Did you have a nightmare ?”

“ Its not a nightmare.” In the dark room ,no one could see the face of the woman to realise that she was lying. “ I was just thinking of the funeral today.”

“No wonder”, Jiang Yu Nan sighed and drew her closer to him as his hug tightened.

“No wonder what?”

“ Before you woke up, I was watching you. Though you had fallen asleep, from time to time your brows knitted in a frown.” The man’s voice was so gentle , so caring, as he advised her,”If you survive this, everything will get better.”

Yan Liang finally could not help but look at him.

As she glanced at him, she could see a sweet smile on his face; he looked gentle, graceful, quiet, aloof; but even now, his eyebrows had unconsciously been raised slightly as if slightly resisting. Yan Liang wondered if she had really understood him even once.

She closed her eyes, wanting to end the conversation. In a sleepy voice, in the leisurely atmosphere of the warm bedroom ,she said, “You wouldn’t understand..you haven’t had the experience of seeing a loved person die. You won’t understand how painful it is..”

Even if she hated her father for decades..after all..

… …

Yan Liang turned. It was very quiet, even her breathing gradually slowed down, as if she had really fallen asleep. But, in fact, her eyes were still open, though they were blank; there were no emotions in them.

Jiang Yu Nan looked at the back of the woman by his side. Almost subconsciously, he reached out to her. But even before his fingers met her shoulders , he stopped, hesitated, then silently withdrew his hand. Lying on his back, he looked with empty eyes at the ceiling , his eyes wide open till the dawn arrived.

When the cold sun broke through the haze, their sleepless night ended. Jiang Yu Nan, who had stared all night at the sleeping figure of the woman beside him, gently got up from the bed.

A new day had begun. As was his daily habit, he had his bath, changed his clothes and stood in the walk in closet. The broken mirror had long been replaced. There were no cracks in the new mirror.

As was his daily habit, he stood in front of the mirror tying his tie, while in his heart, he kept reminding himself : Jiang Yu Nan , you do not love her…do not love her..

..do not love…

This had almost become a daily mantra. After putting on his tie, he came into the bedroom, his face deadpan. But when he saw the figure of the woman still sleeping in the bed, there was a trace of sadness in his eyes

He leaned over the body of the woman. Who would ever know that the kiss on her eyebrows was actually his way of saying…..

“I am sorry.”

*** ***

The sound of his footsteps echoed farther and farther away till they could not be heard anymore. This is when Yan Liang opened her eyes, almost the same time that she heard the sound of the door closing gently.

At this time, there was rush hour traffic. The urban roads were very congested. But Yan Liang drove her car to the suburbs so she didn’t encounter any congestion and smoothly reached the cemetery.

After the funeral yesterday, she had gone meet Secretary Liu alone. She wasn’t too keen to see the new tombstone though.

The inscription under the photo read : survived by wives Yan Mu, Zhao Qingfang, daughters Yan Liang , Xu Ziqing.

Yan Liang suddenly felt these two names together – Yan Mu and Zhao Qingfang felt very odd.

After this came into her mind, she herself thought this was a ridiculous idea , but the four words, “ dead and gone forever “ appeared in her mind.

She took out the photo from her bag.

It had been taken some years back and the edges had yellowed,. It was a black and white photo. This was the Xu staff in the initial days, all of them standing with a smile.

In that era, it was a relatively small , closely knit group of young people .That year, there were Secretary Liu, Song Ji Peng and naturally Yan Liang’s father. Xu Jin fu was young in the photo. Compared to the photo on the tombstone, it was the same man, but time had obviously left its mark on his features.

As Yan Liang held the photo in her hand and stood quietly in front of the tombstone, she remembered the eyes of her father. But in her brain the voice of Secretary Liu echoed…

Miss Yan , where did you hear the name Song Ji Peng..

This history you really don’t have to know..

Miss Yan, I really don’t want to say this.. but…

…… …

…… …

He is..the one who invented the formula for Ya Yan. He was also your father’s partner..

The company had just been set up when they encountered funding issues. Song Ji Peng wanted to sell the formula to foreign cosmetics companies but your father used this formula to get your grandfather to invest.

Because we managed to list Ya Yan first, and that foreign cosmetics company had to bear huge losses, Song Ji Peng had to pay a huge compensation ..

After that.. I haven’t heard of Song Ji Peng…

His family ?..Miss Yan why do you ask about that ?

I’m not really clear….

…… …

…… …

This is the photo when the company had just opened. See, we are here in the front. That time we were still renting our premises. We were so young, I always thought that this photo will accompany me to my grave….

Yan Liang looked down at the picture. Their smiles were clear, they all looked enthusiastic. It was almost cruel. She turned towards the photo on the tombstone.

She said, “ I must have sinned a lot in my last life to be born as your daughter in this life. But rest assured, no matter who the opponent, I will not let them take Xu down.”

As she stood there, in front of her father’s photo, she tore the photo and spread the palm of her hand. Bits of the photo were blown away by the wind one by one, drifting away to an unknown place. Silently, she turned back to leave.

Her high heels tapped on the stone stairs as she walked down.

Then she called Xu Ziqing.

The phone was connected.

It was clear that Xu Ziqing knew it was her, she kept silent.

They had been at each other’s throats for so long Yan Liang found that this was the first time that she had calmly dialled her sister’s number. “Xu Ziqing , I suddenly realised that while we are fighting like cats, what is the use ? The enemy behind the scenes is exploiting this and will ultimately finish Xu.”

“……” “…”

“……” “…”

“What do you want to do?” Xu Ziqing asked her.

Miumiu : can you imagine the scene..Jiang Yu Nan reaching out to provide comfort to YL..then hesitating. Then spending the whole night staring at her back. What he must be going through! And then there is Yan Liang. Realising that the only man she could trust, the man she had loved with her whole heart was actually her enemy…