[This chapter is NSFW. Thankfully I don’t have to put a dub-con warning on this one -v-]

Yuan Qingyun pulls me by the hand towards his bedroom, the nauseating fragrance of cosmetics permeating the air as we pass through the long corridor, one or two lamps illuminating the gorgeous yet slightly gaudy decor. The faint yellow light leaves the hall dim enough to barely see one’s hand in front of their face, but Yuan Qingyun walks quickly, as he’s naturally quite familiar with the place.

While I was complete going along with his leading me, I’m actually hesitating in my mind. I still can’t believe I said that stuff to Yuan Qingyun right now, and the even of what’s about to happen fills me with a sense of unreality: this is my first extracurricular activity.

It’s just that, in this world, I haven’t had a decent sex life apart from the mutual comfort with Jinzi. I’ve pretty much decided to quit having myself be a shou, and I’m still unable to pass the mental barrier if I’m with a woman. Though my sexual desire isn’t strong, I’m no ascetic – I’ll be in Zhang Qinglian’s skin indefinitely, so would I have to DIY for the next few decades? I’ll admit I’m not very able at that currently.

Therefore, now might be a good opportunity to try this out, and satisfy my curiosity along the way.

Setting my mind to it, I push down the apprehension in my heart, allowing myself to be dragged to the entryway of his room. He released my hand, pushed open the intricately carved wooden door, and took the lead in entering. I paused, then followed.

There wasn’t a bit of light in his room, leaving me stuck in the dark. I panic for a moment before I’m seized by a pair of powerful hands. He pushed me up against the wall, his burning kisses and heavy breathing attacking me at once. He squeezed me tightly against his beautiful and healthy body, as if wanting to merge us into one, and his kisses were raw and fierce, as if he was trying to eat me. It hurt my skin while it also lit a small and peculiar flame within me, causing me to shudder.

This is first time I’ve come into contact with pure, undisguised desire. No love, no tenderness, only a primal force that rises from my stomach: turbid, dark, crude, hot, yet full of power, just like the feelings of fighting and conquest of old.

Yuan Qingyun is a professional. I hadn’t yet reacted when he’d already gotten me to the bed, stripped off my clothes, and is biting and nibbling all over my body. His particular skill of being able to strip someone of their clothes at lightning speed without them ever realizing is one that I sincerely admire.

His pressure is making it hard for me to breathe. I use all of my strength to push his sleek chest away a bit in displeasure, gasping for breath as I spoke, “I want to be on top.”

He’d never think that I’d spend money to have me be his prostitute, right?

Yuan Qingyun laughed with a pfft, using his deliberately languid voice with a smile, “Yes, Sir.”

He flips over and brings me on top of him, my body rubbing against his smooth, warm skin; I can even feel the muscles stretched out under under it because of this action, seeming like pieces of irons wrapped in layers of velvet. This moment gives me a bit of whimsy and adventurousness.

He guided my hand to stroke him, touching a certain hard and hot object in the dark. I suddenly took back my hand as if I’d been scalded.

“You… you prepare yourself.”

Having me use my hand… I can’t do it. I feel like I’m being unreasonable when I hear myself speak; how can I make a little shou apply lubricant to himself?

Yuan Qingyun didn’t complain or anything, though, feeling about himself for a small box of something, applying it, and drawing me back to his body again as I was on the side awkwardly waiting for my mental struggle to pass, licking and biting my chest, caressing and toying with my body…

……

As a result, I completed my first accomplishment as a man with his assistance. The process was surprisingly smooth, my body seeming to move of its own accord, exceptionally rational and structured.

I’m already certain: being a gong is much more pleasant than being a shou, especially when entering. This feeling of warm tightness, being completely encased, is really good. It gives a substitute safe feeling of being back in utero, so the next rhythm of life is to completely follow biological instinct.

The most crucial point is: at least it won’t hurt!

It’s a shame that this Yuan Qingyun guy’s bedroom arts are much too exquisite. He is moving under me, changing the angle and point of force, causing me to not even last a few minutes as a result.

[T/N: ⊙◇⊙…]

……

I haven’t withdrawn from him yet, leaning forward on him and gasping for air, my own body sweating profusely. I can’t help but be rueful that this era of being a gong won’t be easy. It’s actually quite tiring, yeah?

He’s calm and relaxed underneath me, as if I was just a puppy that was lying on his stomach to play with him. He’s completely unlike how I was following Shao Qing and Jinzi from before, being more dead than alive.

Sure enough, the distance between us is even greater than the distance between an ant and an elephant.

“What is it, Sir? Still feeling good? Do you want to come again?” He calmly and orderly pet the side of my waist, ass, and thighs, while speaking in that infuriating, lazily teasing tone.

I hate this tone of his the most!

Why is this making me feel like, even though I’m obviously the one on top, that he’s always the one taking advantage of me?

He lapped and nipped at my collarbone with full interest, arms clasped around me tightly, breathing heavily again for a time, then saying vaguely and huskily, “…Want to go again? Sir…”

What does this guy want to squeeze me dry for?

Of course, I can’t say that, or else this joker will gladly say, “If that’s the case, I’ll switch.”

For that reason, I forcefully pried open his arms, indignantly pulled out of him, and put on a frigid voice. “No need.”

I get up and turn the oil lamp on, putting my clothes on one by one. I could see the room clearly now that the lights are on; it’s really extravagant, with a jasper vase in the corner standing at about half a person’s height, several peacock tailfeathers stuck inside it.

Furthermore, there’s an even larger bed in the middle of the room for some seemingly special reason. Yuan Qingyun is calmly naked, maintaining his original posture of lying face-up, hands folded behind his head, his handsome face smiling as he’s engrossed in admiring my ‘dressing show’.

I shot him a ferocious glance. The crimson camlet bedding he’s laying on top of contrasts with his hairless body – that fair, supple, fit, solid form – as his long, inky hair coils about him like black snakes. It’s an unspeakably decadent sight to behold, making me think of a few dated descriptors of passion in ancient erotic novels like “turning about in the red embroidered waves”.

But now, even if I see such a nosebleed-inducing scene, it doesn’t cause a ripple in me because I’ve recently been “emptied”. So this is why men always sleep or smoke after sex with a relatively indifferent expression… I get it now.

I’ve already vented myself, and Yuan Qingyun’s body is clearly still in that state, but… I don’t feel like reciprocating the service to Yuan Qingyun like I’d do with Jinzi. After a tiny bit of hesitation, I say quite calmly, “I’m leaving.”

Yuan Qingyun smiles at me, still lying there so lazily like a big cat after it’s eaten. “Safe travels, Sir. Qingyun can’t see you off.”

Seeing him be so blunt, neither complaining at or nagging me, I feel some slight shame. I throw out the sentence “I’ll come see you again in a few days” before acting cool as I made a hasty retreat.

I gave Lan Guan a thousand liang of silver when I was leaving. This payment is very generous – even if it is a red card – but Lan Guan wouldn’t accept it, saying that Old Gao had already paid in full.

I still foist the banknotes onto him, saying, “This is all for Qingyun. Why not let him buy a little something for himself?”

Lan Guan is a bit unsettled, casting quick and strange looks in Yuan Qingyun’s direction and not giving me anymore excuses. He hurriedly said a few hasty words, grasped the notes, and walked inside, seemingly very nervous for Yuan Qingyun.

Does he think I’m going to do strange stuff like BDSM to Yuan?

I absent-mindedly rode Hearth back home with Old Tian. As Hearth had earned the title of Savior, it became ever the more haughty following my rewarding of it, and now needs three pine nut candies in order to get it to move. It’s actually been more affectionate towards me, though.

I always feel that there’s an ice-cold stare of my back whenever I leave the Everfragrant House, making my hair stand on end, yet every time I turn around I there’s no one there. I can’t resist from asking Old Tian in an low voice afterwards, “Is there anyone here that’s connected to us?”

Old Tian is pensive, watching the scene carefully, and says, “I’ve never found anyone.”

God, I’m really starting to suspect it’s a ghost. The first time I do such a shameful act of stealing joy, I immediately feel endless guilt and get paranoid. Really now…

The closer we get to home, the more cowardly I feel. The stones heavily weighing down on my heart turn into bricks, which then turn into the foundation of an enormous granite pyramid.

When it comes time for dinner, my guilt has reached its pinnacle, dreading Jinzi’s appearance. I don’t know how I should face him. With all this huge psychological pressure, I’m afraid I’ll let something slip if I’m not careful.

Jinzi didn’t show up in the end. I’m disappointed even as I breathe a sight of relief. I really wanted to ask Hong Feng where he was, but I restrained myself from doing so.

After the meal, I received Shao Qing’s response letter from a messenger pigeon, reigning in my good mood as I unfurled it and began to read.