Chapter 174: 51

While being busy with preparations all day, the night already came. Heaven stared at herself in the mirror while Kate brushed her hair. She was exhausted, yet her mind was flooded with many thoughts and questions. Her heart felt heavy after what happened with Zarin. Did she do the right thing by telling him the truth? Was he alright now? 

He was impulsive, so she worried that he would get himself into trouble. But she could not go back to him now after saying goodbye. Both of them needed distance from each other. It was necessary. 

Still, rationalizing things did not take away the heavy feeling in her heart. Tonight she needed her mother. Only a mother's love could heal all wounds. 

She dressed for sleep, covered herself with a cloak and made her way to her parents' quarters. In the hall she came across her father. 

"Heaven, what brings you here?" He asked. 

"I thought of stealing mother from you tonight." Heaven smiled. 

"Did something happen?"

"No. Everything is alright." She assured him. 

Her father raised a brow. He knew she was lying. "Well, I wanted to talk to you." Heaven said. 

"Come." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her to his study. "Sit." He urged. 

Heaven sat at the table and her father sat across from her. "What is bothering you?" He asked. 

The bald King and her father had established an alliance, but King Rufus wanted her father's army to conquer another kingdom. When her father refused, he broke their alliance. This told her he wasn't a clever king. He should have made the terms clear before agreeing to become an ally. 

"Father, do you use your demon abilities to rule?" She asked him. 

"Yes, sometimes. I used to do it more in the beginning, but then you just learn to rule normally." 

Heaven nodded. 

"But that wasn't what you wanted to talk about." He added. 

No, it wasn't. In fact, she didn't know exactly what she wanted to talk about. She just wanted to talk. 

"Father, what do you think about Zamiel? Do you like him?" 

Her father was thoughtful for a while. "Would I be a bad father if I said I like him?" 

"No, no. Not at all." Heaven assured. "What makes you like him?" 

"He reminds me of myself." Her father smiled. 

"How so?" Now Heaven was curious. 

"The pain and guilt in his eyes. The confusion and self-blame." Her father replied, staring emptily in front of him as if he was reminded of something. Heaven wondered why her father blamed himself and felt guilty. 

"I can't imagine losing you and your mother. I would never be able to forgive and forget, but he was even able to love again." 

"You don't know what you are capable of until you are put in that situation." Heaven said. 

Her father smiled. It was a sad smile. "You have truly grown. I thought I was protecting you by providing you with everything. Keeping you safe and away from struggles. I didn't realize that would make you struggle later. But you have grown well despite my lack of well upbringing. I see that Zamiel has a good influence on you. You have become more confident and strong." 

Yes, Zamiel had a positive influence on her. "Father, I really hope you get along with Zamiel. He doesn't have a family, so I want him to feel welcomed when he comes here. I know you have to act like a father, but please be kind to him."

"I will." Her father promised. 

"Then I'll go and steal your place in bed next to mother." Heaven teased. 

He sighed. "I am sure she missed you more than me." 

After saying goodnight to her father, she went to her mother, who was already preparing to go to bed. 

"Heaven?" Her mother seemed surprised. 

"Mother, is it alright if I sleep with you tonight?" Heaven asked. 

"Of course." Her mother replied. 

Her mother only left a few candles lit and then got into bed with her. They lay turned, facing each other. 

"Are you having a tough time?" Her mother asked. "You seemed stressed this morning."

Yes, when she barged into her mother's room and stole her guards, just to give them orders. She felt bad for everyone she met this morning. It felt like she was taking out the anger she felt toward herself and Zarin on them. 

Heaven didn't like to worry her mother. She was the last person she would tell about her own struggles because she felt very protective of her. But tonight she wanted to talk to her. To let her know what bothered her and let her mother comfort her. 

"I just have a lot on my mind." She said. 

Her mother reached for her and caressed her hair. At that moment Heaven wanted to burst into tears, but she would end up shocking and worrying her. 

���Let me take some of what is on your mind." Her mother said. 

"I had a fight with Zarin." Heaven began. 

"I am sure it will be alright. You guys always get back together."

Heaven shook her head. "No. This time it is different. He… he said that he loves me." 

A frown settles on her mother's face, and she was quiet for a while. "Love as in…" 

"Yes." Heaven quickly replied. 

"I am sure he doesn't mean it that way. There might have been a misunderstanding." Her mother said. 

"No mother. There is no misunderstanding. At least not this time." 

Her mother became quiet again. "What did you say?" She finally asked. 

Heaven told her mother everything that happened and what they said to each other. She wanted to know her mother's thoughts about the situation. 

"You did well." Her mother said. 

Heaven was surprised. 

"If that is truly what you felt then being honest with him was necessary." Her mother explained. "But…"

Her heart raced as she waited for her mother to continue. 

"Did you ask him to marry you?" 

Oh no! 

"I know you trust him, but you should have spoken to us first." 

"I… I was just afraid. I really didn't want to be with a stranger so I thought a friend would be better."

Her mother sighed. "I guess he said no since nothing happened."

"Yes. He didn't want the responsibilities of being a king."

"Was he in love with you at that time?" 

Heaven never thought about it much until now. 

"I don't know." She admitted. 

Could it have started then? Did she give him the wrong impression? No, it couldn't be. He tried to help her find a husband after that, and he even watched her meet several suitors. Would he let that happen if he loved her then?

"Do you think he will be alright?" Heaven asked. 

"I am sure he will be fine." Her mother assured. 

Heaven felt good talking to her mother, and she slept peacefully afterward. 

When she woke up in the morning, the second thing she did after getting dressed was to visit Zamiel. It was still early, so she wasn't surprised to find him sleeping in bed when she arrived. She felt like she was invading his privacy, but she couldn't help but go near him and watch his relaxed face as he slept. 

He had a strange way of sleeping. He slept on his back with hands resting on his stomach, as if he was dead and laying in a coffin. 

Suddenly he shot his eyes open, startling her, but he kept staring at the ceiling without blinking. It was like he didn't know she was there and he was scaring her. 

"Zamiel." She called carefully. 

His head slowly turned, and his eyes glared at her with hatred. Heaven's heart skipped in fear. The look in his eyes terrified her as he slowly sat up. 

"I saw you in my dream." He began. Unlike his stormy eyes, his tone was calm. "You killed them and… you just left."

Heaven was confused. Did he see her kill his family? 

He stood up, still glaring at her. Slowly, he stepped forward. Heaven did her best to not step back, but as he kept coming toward her, she eventually took a step back, then two. But Zamiel didn't stop, and she ended up stepping back until her back hit the wall. 

Zamiel stopped when he was close enough. 

"It was just a bad dream." She assured him. 

"It felt so real." He said, his voice void of any emotion.

"So you think it is real? You think I did it? You want to kill me now?" She looked him straight in the eyes, but she didn't like what she saw. 

His eyes seemed dead. Like he didn't care whether she died or not.