Chapter Fifty-Seven

The morning after Bei Dou and Xiao Tus wedding.

Bei Dou rolled around from night to dawn and finally he could eat Xiao Tu.

Pei Jin successfully ate Yan Shi Ning.

That morning Yan Shi Ning woke up and saw Pei Jin staring sadly at the ceiling. She knocked her head on his arm. Pei Jin, what are you thinking?

Im thinking its been many days and its the right time for me to see tenth brother, Pei Jin said.

You should go, Yan Shi Ning said.

Shi Ning, do you want to accompany me? Pei Jin asked.

I can go outside? Yan Shi Ning asked.

Yan Shi Ning was three months pregnant and her stomach was round. If she walked outside the manor then her pregnancy wouldnt be a secret anymore.

Shi Ning, youve been locked at home for months, Pei Jin said. Dont you want to go outside?

I do want to go outside but I decided I want to continue staying home, Yan Shi Ning said.

Pei Jin understood Yan Shi Ning didnt want to risk losing their child and he held her hand. Shi Ning, Ive made you worried.

Its enough that you know, Yan Shi Ning said. Pei Jin, on the way home remember to buy braised trotters and soft dates at Guo Fu for me.

Yan Shi Ning licked her lips and felt hungry.

Shi Ning, recently youve been craving for soft food, Pei Jin said.

Um, is something wrong with my cravings? Yan Shi Ning asked.

Elders say if a pregnant woman is carrying a boy then shell crave soft food, Pei Jin said. He rubbed Yan Shi Nings stomach. Do you think our child is a boy?

Yan Shi Ning kicked Pei Jin, his hands were rubbing past her stomach. Pei Jin, take your hands away.

Pei Jin kissed Yan Shi Ning, dressed and unwillingly left the chamber. He was happy to eat Yan Shi Ning but he regretted he couldnt eat her as often as he did before she was pregnant.

West of the imperial city there was a busy shop owned by Gentleman Su Ci. He stood at the front of the shop and greeted customers. He grinned after he saw Pei Jin stepped out of a horse carriage.

Ninth prince, what wind brought you here? Su Ci asked. Someone bring the rare tea to ninth prince!

Gentleman Su Ci, youre too generous, Pei Jin praised. I heard you have a rare jade bracelet at your shop. I came here because Im interested in seeing the rare jade bracelet.

Ninth prince, I understand, Su Ci said. Please come inside. We can drink tea and talk.

Sorry for troubling Gentleman Su Ci, Pei Jin said and walked into the shop.

The rich young gentleman customers who were inside the shop gossiped about Pei Jin.

Ninth prince is kind and gentle as rumored, the first young man said. A while ago I heard he bought a rare pair of jade bracelets for his wife.

You dont know how much ninth prince dotes on his wife, the second young man said. To ninth prince gold and silver cant compare to a beautys smile.

What about you? the first young man asked. Arent you going to buy this ring? Its only five hundred silver taels. Are you not buying it because your heart will miss the silver taels?

No, I have selective vision! the second young man said. Fu Wu, are there other rings similar to this ring?

Su Ci led Pei Jin into a private room.

Heavens, Im begging ninth prince to take the jade away, Su Ci said. You caused me to lose peaceful sleep by keeping the jade here.

Your cheeks look a healthy pink and you look livelier than in the past, Pei Jin said.

Its an act! Su Ci said.

Show me the jade, Pei Jin said.

Su Ci obediently pushed a hidden clay ornament and exposed a secret passageway through a wall.

Pei Jin looked down at the spacious descending stairway. Its impressive.

Su Ci led Pei Jin down the stairs and to a locked door that had light shining through the gaps of the door.

Hes inside, Su Ci said. Ill be guarding and waiting for you outside.

Um, is there anything else? Pei Jin asked.

Its better if you see him yourself, Su Ci said.

Pei Jin thought it wasnt good news. He watched Su Ci walked upstairs then he unlocked the door.

Inside the room Pei Lams hair was messy, his face was pale and he sat gloomily at a table.

Ninth brother, Pei Lam said.

Pei Jins back turned cold to see Pei Lams disturbing calmness as though Pei Lam predicted his visit.

Pei Lam stared at the barricaded window. Ive been asking myself when ninth brother would visit me. I didnt think ninth brother would visit this soon. Is it twelve or thirteen days ninth brother, look at this place. Its hard to see if its night or day.

Pei Jin understood Su Cis words, Pei Lam was mumbling to himself.

How did you know it was me? Pei Jin asked.

Pei Lam turned around and looked at Pei Jin. Ninth prince, whats scaring you?

Pei Jin didnt know why Pei Lams eyes looked soulless.

Ninth brother, you dont need to be scared, Pei Lam said. Im your captive and I cant do anything to harm you. Ninth brother, look at me. Even if you gave me a sword I still wouldnt be able to do anything.

Pei Jin looked at Pei Lams two missing fingers and he shivered. He didnt expect saying to Bei Dou that he could deal with the empress and Pei Lam would lead to Bei Dou cutting off two of Pei Lams fingers and using it to force the empress to kill herself.

Ninth brother, why did you cut off two of my fingers? Pei Lam asked. I thought about why for many days. But after I heard the ringing sounds of funeral bells I understood why. Ninth brother, is my imperial mother dead?

Pei Jin was startled to see Pei Lam calmly treated the empress death as something trivial.

Its good that shes dead, Pei Lam said. Im not the crown prince anymore, she wouldnt have survived much longer in the palace. Imperial mother had lived a tiring life. The sooner she closes her eyes the sooner she can rest. Death is an escape for her.

Pei Jin couldnt believe it was the Pei Lam he knew in the past. He didnt know how a lively Pei Lam could say such despairing thoughts.

Is that why you killed Yan Shi Ting? Pei Jin asked.

Shi Ting Pei Lam asked. He vaguely remembered Yan Shi Ting. I killed her. She lived a life of suffering. Its better for her to die.

Pei Lam looked down at his hands. I used these two hands to choke her to death and pushed her down the well. Its an unforgiveable crime but it was worth freeing Shi Ting.

Pei Jin didnt know how he could understand Pei Lams eerie indifference.

Ninth brother, do you think Im too cruel? Pei Lam asked. Ninth brother, did you expect Im capable of being this cruel?

Pei Jin didnt want to admit he suspected Pei Lam was possessed by a demon.

Ninth brother, the truth is theres no one that isnt cruel, Pei Lam said.

What are you implying? Pei Jin asked.

Ninth brother, were all cruel, Pei Lam said. I killed Yan Shi Ting. But ninth brother, ninth sister and everyone else caused her to become insane. Ninth brother, who do you think is crueller?

Pei Jin didnt know what to say.

Ninth brother, I only wanted to leave, Pei Lam said. I wanted to escape my cage. Ninth brother, why did you detain me?

You truly want to leave? Pei Jin asked.

If I didnt want to leave then why did I request many times to take my crown position away? Pei Lam asked. Why did I fake my own death? Its a pity ninth brother ruined everything.

You dont want to be the crown prince? Pei Jin asked.

This imperial city is only dust eating people, Pei Lam said.

If your intention was to leave then why did you need to warn imperial father about me? Pei Jin asked.

Warn imperial father Pei Lam asked. It appears Wang Fu Mu is ninth brothers ally.

Pei Jin was impressed by Pei Lams intelligence.

Ninth brother, you win! Pei Lam said.

Do you want me to die? Pei Jin asked.

No, Pei Lam said.

Pei Lam didnt know why he warned their father. Did he wanted to harm Pei Jin? But he thought Pei Jin was more suited to sit on the throne than Pei Zhang. If he decided to let go of his crown position why did he need to warn their father?

Pei Lam thought about his fathers disappointment and hurt. Perhaps he wanted to compensate his fathers pain. His father couldnt see through Pei Jin. So if he warned his father about Pei Jin then his father didnt need to be troubled about Pei Jin.

Pei Lam, do you think your life is full of unbearable sufferings? Pei Jin asked. Do you think you can only escape if you leave? Do you think everyone close to you suffered too and they can only escape if they die?

Pei Lam nodded his head.

Pei Lam, why is it that everyone else that suffered can only escape if they die? Pei Jin asked. Yet you suffered too but dont think you need to die to escape.

Pei Jin grabbed Pei Lams collar, teared Pei Lams robes opened and exposed Pei Lams chest scar.

Ninth brother, what are you doing? Pei Lam asked.

Why didnt you stab your heart a little deeper? Pei Jin asked. Is it because you didnt want to die? Is it because youre scared of death?

Pei Jin pushed Pei Lam onto the bed and looked down at Pei Lam.

Pei Lam, do you think youre clean and innocent? Pei Jin asked. The truth is youre too dirty! You think youre righteous. Yet youre scared of death and too deceitful. If you didnt want to become the emperor then you should have said you didnt want to before you became the crown prince. If you didnt want to marry Yan Shi Ting then you should have kept your distance from her at the start and not give her hope. For your own gains, you used others. Do you think your actions are righteous? Pei Lam, you dont need to act like this, its too ugly.

In Pei Lams world, he was the only good and beautiful person inside his world. He thought he didnt care about the grievances of the outside world but he didnt expect the world he built for himself was too weak. Pei Jin only said a few words to him and his world turned to dust. He wasnt good and beautiful as he thought so his world was no longer good and beautiful. He was a bad person so he had built an ugly world.

Pei Lam, youve only stepped on others hopes and good intentions, Pei Jin said. Youve hurt the people who supported you for what you call freedom and escape. Do you know why your imperial mother died? She wanted you to stay alive so she killed herself. The palace isnt a cage, its not dust but you perceived it as a cage to justify your cruel actions in the past.

Pei Lam fell into a hopeless state.

If you think the palace is a scary place then this place doesnt have any scary battles, Pei Jin said. You can be happy on your own here.

Pei Jin left the room and he didnt look back at the soulless Pei Lam.

Pei Lam awoken from his dark thoughts after he heard the sound of the door lock.

Let me out! Pei Lam cried out. You dont need to trap me here!

Pei Lam yelled, kicked and punched the door but there was no reply outside the door.

The silence was killing Pei Lam.

You dont need to trap me here you can kill me but you dont need to trap me here Pei Lam mumbled.

***

End of Chapter Fifty-Seven