Chapter 118 Dean’s soliloquy (Part 2)

Not long after that, we moved from the palace to the queen dowager’s palace.

Even so, Queen Ellia kept sending assassins our way.

I didn’t have much practice in actual battle, so I kept at training in martial arts. Even Duke Anderson was shocked at how quickly I progressed.

But all of Ellia’s actions were truly irritating. I’ve considered cutting the issue off at the root, but we’ve never been able to uncover actual evidence of her wrongdoing.

I really have to thank Duke Anderson for his hellish training…sorry, I meant loving lessons. Heh.

At the time, I studied greedily, absorbing all sorts of knowledge and information.

My time living in a contained world passed bit by bit.

Finally, most people on the outside gradually forgot about my existence, and I could start going out proactively once more.

Sometimes it was patrolling various lands, trying to recruit talent.

Sometimes it was attending schools and joining merchants’ guilds, all under different names of course.

The queen dowager never challenged me on any of my actions. More accurately, she encouraged me to go out on my own.

And then one day, I met her.

Through introductions made at the guild, I entered the Armenia territory in subterfuge, accepting an errand-running position under an official.

That was where I met Duke Armenia’s daughter.

Since I met her, the world around me changed completely. What was once a monochrome world became splendid and colorful.

In this deceitful world where adults all wore shallow, brutish smiles, only she maintained a smile that was pure as a girl’s. She was outraged at injustice and shed tears for her own inability to do more.

Originally she seemed like nothing more than an emotional young girl, but she was also more than capable of sticking through hard times and cutting off her emotions to deal with politics.

Every single time she could come up with new innovations that were beyond my imagination, and kept moving forward in the pursuit of her ideals.

Everything about her drew me to her. I couldn’t help myself.

Even though I wanted to free her to do everything she wanted, I also wanted to limit her at all costs so that she would never be taken away from me.

Each and every time I needed to keep warning myself.

“Don’t forget. In my veins flows the blood of a king.”

But Iris wouldn’t become like my own mother. After all, Iris’s family was elite even among the nobles–Duke Armenia’s family.

She herself has undergone a suitable education to her family name.

Even though she had lost an engagement, if she were engaged to the first prince then no one would ever want to mention something like that again.

But that also meant that the person she married would have to be someone of significant status.

If she wanted to get married, her partner could only be the first prince, or from another distant nation.

Like Rudy had said, if I secured an engagement with her, there would be significant benefits for both me and the Armenia family.

But who really wants to put someone they care about in that kind of danger?

Before I can settle my differences with Queen Ellia, forcing Iris into an engagement will only make her another target for my enemies.

Beforehand because of the queen dowager’s plots, Iris had attended the reconstruction party and recovered some of her reputation. Because of that, she was already somewhat of an obstacle for them. They might even want to take action against her directly.

…But more importantly, if I ever brought her to my side, I would probably become no different from the king right now.

I would end up breaking her wings and trap her in the cage that we call a “palace”.

She’ll only be able to look at me. Even though she’ll be trapped, she’ll never be bored.

If that were the case, the free-spirited woman that I loved would vanish completely.

I’m such a contradictory person.

One day, I will emerge onto the political stage as a member of the royal family.

That day is not so far away.

When the day comes, it will also be the time for decisions.

So please…just let me have a bit more time, a bit more time to do what I want!

In the near future, I’ll become that mechanism known as “king”. When that happens, I’ll have to abandon all my human emotions.

So give me more time, until I have to leave her, the person who makes me feel most human.