Chapter 405 I“m sorry

Alex looked at Rika and once again asked, "why?" The face he was making at this very moment, was full of pain, frustration, sadness, anger, and self remorse. So much was expressed in that simple look of his that a person might not believe that this man, Alex used to show no emotion at all as his face remained ever stoic. Yet now he was pouring everything within him with a single look.

"..." Rika had no idea how to answer Alex's question, since no matter what she said would sound like an excuse. She owed it to Lyner who gave her a second chance, to do this for his student.

Oliver and the others did not speak and simply looked at the two, waiting for them to settle their dispute by themselves.

"Why aren't you answering? Why did you keep on receiving my attacks, and not doing anything about it?! It's obvious that you are stronger than me, so why take every hit without countering? Are you showing me pity!? Are you looking down on me?! Am I not a worthy opponent like Sir Lyner!?!... More than that tell me... Please tell me, why Sir Lyner had to die?... Why did you kill him?..."

Rika clenched her fist so tightly that it actually started to bleed. The same fist that was sturdier than steel, was actually bleeding. She then looked at Alex's eyes and saw the pain he was feeling. A pain that was more than any physical pain could deliver. Yet still, she remained silent.

"You know my father and mother died, both were killed by my grandfather. My foster father died as well in the same hands of my grandfather. Who in turn died by being killed by his only grandson, me. Sir Lyner was another father figure I respected, and you killed him... Yet somehow unlike with my grandfather, I no longer feel as angry at you anymore. Well, in truth, I no longer feel hatred for my grandfather as well, since he too was just a sorry product of revenge. So please, just tell me why did you do all that?..."

Alex who was full of varying emotions just moments ago, seem so tired at this very moment. At the end of his speech, it felt and sounded like he was an old man, tired of everything. It was a weird sight, seeing someone go through a torrent of emotions in such a pace was definitely different.

Rika could no longer simply stay quiet and gave Alex the answer he wanted, the answer he and every member of the mercenary club deserved.

"First, I know that this might sound insincere, but I'm truly sorry... I really am sorry for everything..." Rika bowed her head at Alex and then towards Oliver and the other members of the Mercenary Club.

"I know this might sound like excuses at this point, but I did what I did for the people of the Empire. No matter how twisted or insane their logic became, they were still the people my parents loved. This next part might really sound illogical and stupid, but it's truly what I used to believe. They the people of the Empire were the only reminder I have, of my parents... Every time I see the smiling face of a citizen of the Empire, I feel like I see the smiling faces of my parents in them. It was as if they were still alive..."

"To me, I would've done anything for that smile of theirs. I would have become the devil itself for them... Which in the end, I guess I did become the devil. Sir Lyner was the greatest threat the Empire face during the war, as long as he lived the Granado Empire would never win. So he needed to die for the smiles of my people..."

"I knew the Empire was wrong, but we were already in too deep. The hatred that we accumulated over the centuries, especially what we did to Berdonia... I feared that surrendering might mean slavery or in the worst case genocide for my people. I... I just couldn't let that happen. Yet my fears were proven wrong with Sir Lyner's actions on that day. Even though I killed him, even though I separated him from his wife and child. He still forgave me, he even thanked me..."

Rika's eyes started to tear up as she continued speaking.

"He even asked his wife to take care of me... Me the killer of her husband! Not only did she take care of me, she actually became my best friend and showed me the way to a proper path. I even have a child now that I want to protect... I know it's selfish of me to still want to live after what I've done, but for my daughter, I hope you will allow me to live..."

"But if you cannot accept that, and you still want to kill me... Then I..."

"Enough! I heard enough... There's no need to explain any further. I might not be able to say I forgive you just yet, but I do understand... Who am I to judge you so biasedly as I too killed tons of people. They too had families, friends, and lovers... It's just hard for me, at the moment. Still, I hope there will come a day that I forgive you full from the bottom of my heart. If I start living for hatred and revenge, I might turn into the same monster as my grandfather. " Alex suddenly interrupted Rika before she was able to resolve herself, to say what she was about to say.

After saying what he wanted to say to Rika, Alex looked up in the sky smiling while tears flow down his eyes. He chuckled a bit as he thought, 'So you achieved that glorious death you always sought after... Who else but you would thank his killer.' As Alex was having his moment, Rika bowed her head once more.

"Thank you and I'm sorry... Truly I'm sorry..."